Most people automatically equate “talking to yourself” with some mild form of insanity. The truth is, self talk is actually a powerful way to raise—or lower—your self esteem. Believe it or not, everyone talks to themselves on a regular basis. The way it effects you depends on the type of self-talk you engage in. Positive self talk can help inspire confidence, boost self perceptions, and generally make you feel good; while negative self talk can be a destructive force that cuts self-esteem off at the knees.
What are you saying to yourself? In order to take advantage of the potential power of positive self-talk, you should first find out what you’re already telling to yourself. Take a day or two and really take notice of your thoughts as they occur. When something goes wrong, do you automatically think, “I’m such an idiot, how could I have done this, why did I ever think this would work out?” This, obviously, is negative self-talk—something you want to eliminate completely from your internal vocabulary.
There are three general categories of negative self talk: internalized (It’s all my fault), generalized (Life really sucks) and permanent (Things like this always happen to me). A person who engages in negative self talk will usually see even positive events in a negative light—when things go wrong, they attribute it to external sources such as luck or a temporary anomaly. Negative self talk makes self esteem virtually impossible to maintain.
If you want to increase your self esteem and start viewing your life in a positive light, you must train your thoughts to run in exactly the opposite direction. Realize that when things go wrong, they are often—if not entirely—out of your hands. If your car breaks down on the way to work, resist the temptation to bemoan your fate (why does this always happen to me?). Instead, realize that mechanical failure is a simple fact of life. This will enable you to take the necessary steps to combat self defeating thinking and get on with fixing your problem. After you’ve called a tow truck, let work know you’re going to be late, and gotten on with your day, you can look back and take pride in your problem solving abilities.
Conversely, when things go right, realize that you played a large part in your good fortune. Look for the silver lining. Sure, your car broke down…but you only lost a few hours. Perhaps your boss is understanding, and your car troubles enabled you to realize that you really do like your job.
Always engage in positive self talk. Remind yourself that you are a worthwhile person. Bad things happen to everyone, and those with healthy self esteem maintain a cheerful outlook and realize that nothing is insurmountable. You can learn to respect yourself and stop thinking can’t, won’t, and never. When you engage in positive self talk, you will notice your life improving every day!